Friday, October 14, 2011

Sunday, May 29, 2011

If It Sounds Too Good To Be True ...

why not go for it? So, do you want to lose 10 to 15 pounds instantly and with no surgery and no strenuous dieting? It's supposedly easier than you think! Just order a pair of these babies, magnetic slimming panties, and you'll be set. How can you argue with hundreds of healing magnets that boost your metabolism, improve your circulation, and relieve any body aches and pains you might be feeling? How does this take off 10 to 15 pounds instantly? You apparently have to purchase two pairs and take advantage of the free shipping and handling, which makes the cost $25.98. The weight of a Lincoln, Memorial Reverse penny dated mid-1982 to the present is 2.5 grams, which means that 2,598 or them weigh (unseen conversion to English units here) just over 14 pounds. You lose a bit more weight if some of the pennies are Lincoln, Memorial Reverse 1959 to mid-1982, because these weigh a bit more, 3.11 grams each.

Monday, May 2, 2011

I Am So Boycotting this Brand

On the Sunday before Mother's Day no less this ad appeared in one of the paper's coupon inserts. When shown this, older son was brave enough to observe, "That's wrong. You can live with a dirty bathroom. Cooking is the job that really matters." Hearing this, younger son contributed that that might not be true because as long as they had a grill, men didn't necessarily need a woman to cook for them. I wish I could say that they were taking me out to dinner for Mother's Day to atone for their callousness, but I'll be cooking that night, making dinner for my mother. And while my bathroom actually does need cleaning, don't look for Mr. Clean to be helping me once I get around to it.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Pork Inspirations

Shades of the first post on this blog, today's topic is pork. You know, pork, the other white meat. (I have a bumper sticker that proclaims cat as the other white meat, but that's a whole other subject.) Except that pork is no longer the other white meat. That slogan has been relegated to "heritage" status in favor of Pork Be Inspired. Or, as the pork folks put it, "Building on the success of The Other White Meat, which will remain as a heritage brand, Pork Be inspired communicates to the legion of pork fans that pork is delicious, versatile and can stand on its own – there is no need to rely on comparisons with other meats. Pork Be inspired is really about celebrating everything that is wonderful and unique about pork." Everything that is wonderful and unique about pork? How about that no other meat that I know appears in anything like the pork rinds with which Talk from The Hand started. As for other pork-inspired notions, we won't go there, at least not here.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Baby Genius Fabric? Give Me a Break!

When I need fabric for a quilt or other project, my go-to place is I also receive print catalogs from Keepsake Quilting and Hancock's of Paducah. I had quite an interesting reaction to a line of fabric included in the most recent Hancock's catalog. There are many genres of fabric that I would never buy, but in most cases I can think of someone who would, quilters being a very diverse lot. I'm not sure a fabric or fabric line has ever raised my blood pressure before, but this one did. The fabric line in question is the "Baby Genius Speaks Up" line from Benartex. Here's the description from the catalog. So, let me get this straight. This line of fabrics is going to help my baby learn sounds? I need fabric for that? I need this specific fabric for that? Isn't anything I say to my baby about anything going to help said baby learn sounds?

Perhaps it's because the fabrics themselves are designed around the works of famous artists or genres of art. This, for example, is one of the colorways of the Dada fabric. The line also includes Cubism and Picasso. I can't believe that they think I'd use the fabric to discuss art and artists with a baby. I certainly don't need this fabric, or any fabric for that matter, to share colors with my baby either.

If I want a fabric something through which I can interact and play with my baby, the simplest thing may well be an I-Spy quilt made of shapes cup from novelty fabric. "I spy a puppy! Do you see a puppy?" "I spy something green! Do you see something green?" That sounds just so much more fun and age-appropriate than "Can you show me the Dada square?" What? Babies are a market force, you say, in terms of their parents' buying power? If we make it and tell them their baby needs it, they will buy it? I think I need a glass of wine.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Is There an Editor in the House?

I expect better from The Washington Post than this sentence-long paragraph I found in one of the short reports in today's Sports section. The article concerned the naming of Mike Munchak as head coach of the NFL's Tennessee Titans. I actually wish I remembered more about diagramming sentences so I could try it with this one. Ready?

"This will be the first head coaching job for Munchak, who turns 51 in March, with the only franchise the offensive line coach and Hall of Fame lineman has ever played or worked for since being selected eighth overall by the franchise, then in Houston, in 1982."

Friday, January 28, 2011

Huh? The Sequel

This latest business card came from the bulletin board outside the restroom at a convenience store and gas station I stopped at on the way out of DeLand, Florida. Older son has noted that by not censoring the address and phone number I have not really disguised what business it is from, but I have at least tried to censor the name of the Service Tech whose name appears on the card. Need I point out why I thought this was worth posting? Is proofreading a dead art? Or perhaps you get what you pay for given what I found on the back of the card.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


Another souvenir from the recent trip to Florida. What is it about Florida besides that it seems very much another world? The ten gun and pawn shops in a four-mile stretch of highway--not to mention the motorcycle shop that also boasted of "Guns Guns Guns" on a window banner--and the convenience store touting "Coldest Beer in Town ~ Food Stamps Accepted" aside, this business card was up for the taking from the bulletin board at a Chinese restaurant. Let's think about these consultants who shall remain nameless. (I feel a need to tread carefully since they're located so close to all those gun shops.) They specialize in divorce, modifications (though they don't say of what), bankruptcy, immigration, translation, and adoption. They want to make sure that we understand that they are nonlawyers and cannot give legal advice! Of the specialties listed, only translation jumps to mind as one in which legal advice probably wouldn't be helpful. And you might not need legal help with modifications depending on what it is you're trying to change. So who's been using these people for the over 10 years they've been gaining experience? And why? And how much have they been paying? Enquiring minds want to know. Oh, right, the folks who used that slogan are also based in Florida. Never mind.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

My Kinda Joint

It was a real eye-opener the summer of 1975 to visit a McDonald's in Spain and realize that the "cerveza" and "vino" listed on the menu were for real. Here we are in 2011, and we still don't have beer and wine at most fast-food establishments in the U.S., which is not necessarily a bad thing. For an alternative, though, there's in DeLand, Florida. As announced on the marquee, it is home to udderly good burgers as well as a very anatomically correct bull. It should come as no surprise then that they make their happy meals even happier, with the offer of a draft beer for only $1.49 extra. Gotta love it!

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Whom Do They Think They're Kidding?

This is from Orange City, Florida, on West French Road leading to Blue Spring State Park. There's an identical sign on the other side of the road on the other side of the hill. Is the view really blocked? Technically, it is, but if they put signs such as this one on every hill on which a view is blocked here, you'd probably never be out of sight of one. In a state in which the highest elevation is 345 feet above sea level, you take a hill where you can get one, I guess.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

You Know You're in the South when ...

you find something like this readily available in the snack food aisle of more than one convenience stores. That says what you think it says. "Fried Out Pork Fat with Attached Skin." There's got to be more to it than that, right? Wrong! That's really all there is to it: Pork fat with attached skin. Oh, yeah, and some salt. I have no idea--and neither did "fried out" means. Let's assume that "fried out" equals "fried." Fried fat? Who dreams these things up? How do you market such a product? Why, as a health food, of course. After all, it has 0 grams total carbs and 0 grams trans fat per serving. It's got to be good for you, right? It sounds as if it's fat free except that it's not. It does have fat, just not trans fat. Slightly more than half the calories (45 out of the 80 in one serving; the bag holds three servings) come from fat. The fact that it's only slightly more than half is pretty amazing given that the main ingredient is ... fat that's been fried! I guess the attached skin accounts for the difference. And if this isn't bad enough, the same product comes in flavored varieties; think potato chips and barbecue potato chips, only here it's fried fat and spicy fried fat. Perhaps the purpose of the spicy is to distract you from the fact that you are eating fried fat. Who buys this stuff? Oh, right, I do, though I bought it not to eat but to photograph and blog about. I've offered it to the family, and they're not interested. I've offered to share it with them--"I'll eat some if you do, too"--and they're still not interested. So, if you want this, leave a comment, e-mail, Facebook message, or otherwise let me know, and it can be yours for free. I'll even foot the postage bill. I've had my fun with it; now you can have your turn.