Huh? The Sequel

This latest business card came from the bulletin board outside the restroom at a convenience store and gas station I stopped at on the way out of DeLand, Florida. Older son has noted that by not censoring the address and phone number I have not really disguised what business it is from, but I have at least tried to censor the name of the Service Tech whose name appears on the card. Need I point out why I thought this was worth posting? Is proofreading a dead art? Or perhaps you get what you pay for given what I found on the back of the card.

Huh?

Another souvenir from the recent trip to Florida. What is it about Florida besides that it seems very much another world? The ten gun and pawn shops in a four-mile stretch of highway--not to mention the motorcycle shop that also boasted of "Guns Guns Guns" on a window banner--and the convenience store touting "Coldest Beer in Town ~ Food Stamps Accepted" aside, this business card was up for the taking from the bulletin board at a Chinese restaurant. Let's think about these consultants who shall remain nameless. (I feel a need to tread carefully since they're located so close to all those gun shops.) They specialize in divorce, modifications (though they don't say of what), bankruptcy, immigration, translation, and adoption. They want to make sure that we understand that they are nonlawyers and cannot give legal advice! Of the specialties listed, only translation jumps to mind as one in which legal advice probably wouldn't be helpful. And you might not need legal help with modifications depending on what it is you're trying to change. So who's been using these people for the over 10 years they've been gaining experience? And why? And how much have they been paying? Enquiring minds want to know. Oh, right, the folks who used that slogan are also based in Florida. Never mind.

My Kinda Joint

It was a real eye-opener the summer of 1975 to visit a McDonald's in Spain and realize that the "cerveza" and "vino" listed on the menu were for real. Here we are in 2011, and we still don't have beer and wine at most fast-food establishments in the U.S., which is not necessarily a bad thing. For an alternative, though, there's in DeLand, Florida. As announced on the marquee, it is home to udderly good burgers as well as a very anatomically correct bull. It should come as no surprise then that they make their happy meals even happier, with the offer of a draft beer for only $1.49 extra. Gotta love it!

Whom Do They Think They're Kidding?

This is from Orange City, Florida, on West French Road leading to Blue Spring State Park. There's an identical sign on the other side of the road on the other side of the hill. Is the view really blocked? Technically, it is, but if they put signs such as this one on every hill on which a view is blocked here, you'd probably never be out of sight of one. In a state in which the highest elevation is 345 feet above sea level, you take a hill where you can get one, I guess.

You Know You're in the South when ...

you find something like this readily available in the snack food aisle of more than one convenience stores. That says what you think it says. "Fried Out Pork Fat with Attached Skin." There's got to be more to it than that, right? Wrong! That's really all there is to it: Pork fat with attached skin. Oh, yeah, and some salt. I have no idea--and neither did dictionary.com--what "fried out" means. Let's assume that "fried out" equals "fried." Fried fat? Who dreams these things up? How do you market such a product? Why, as a health food, of course. After all, it has 0 grams total carbs and 0 grams trans fat per serving. It's got to be good for you, right? It sounds as if it's fat free except that it's not. It does have fat, just not trans fat. Slightly more than half the calories (45 out of the 80 in one serving; the bag holds three servings) come from fat. The fact that it's only slightly more than half is pretty amazing given that the main ingredient is ... fat that's been fried! I guess the attached skin accounts for the difference. And if this isn't bad enough, the same product comes in flavored varieties; think potato chips and barbecue potato chips, only here it's fried fat and spicy fried fat. Perhaps the purpose of the spicy is to distract you from the fact that you are eating fried fat. Who buys this stuff? Oh, right, I do, though I bought it not to eat but to photograph and blog about. I've offered it to the family, and they're not interested. I've offered to share it with them--"I'll eat some if you do, too"--and they're still not interested. So, if you want this, leave a comment, e-mail, Facebook message, or otherwise let me know, and it can be yours for free. I'll even foot the postage bill. I've had my fun with it; now you can have your turn.